“The mechanism that drives you to conceal your darkness is the same mechanism that has you hide your light. What you’ve been hiding from can actually give you what you’ve been trying hard to achieve.”
The Shadow Effect, page 92
In The Shadow Effect: Illuminating the Hidden Power of Your True Self, three perennial spiritual favorites pool their massive talents to help us transcend a crucial obstacle to happiness. Such is the nature of “the shadow”, when we deny parts of ourselves. Improperly understood or harnessed, it directs our lives in destructive ways.
At first blush, this book seems a classic battle between inner good and bad as Debbie Ford, “Champion of the Darkness” contrasts “First Lady of the Light”, Marianne Williamson. Actually, this wise book delivers so much more. Add to the mix ever-original introspection offered by preeminent Eastern philosophy teacher, Deepak Chopra, and you get a full-spectrum map of how to reconnect with your real self.
Each bestselling author offers their unique perspective as we learn to make peace with ourselves and undertake the transformative journey to let go of what holds us back. The end result is to gain the life we were meant to bask in.
Embrace – Don’t Deny – Your Shadow
“To have a shadow is not to be flawed, but to be complete…You have only one self. It is the real you. It is beyond good and evil.”
The Shadow Effect, pages 10 and 17
So, what is the shadow anyway?
Swiss psychologist C. G. Jung defines it as the person we’d rather not be. Robert Bly likens it to an invisible bag containing internal thoughts, emotions and impulses we find too shameful or distasteful to accept – a burdensome weight that eventually drags us into the dumps across decades.
Shadow is our wounded interior. For many, it’s too painful to confront. Instead, we project our disowned attributes upon others. We blame – make people wrong and label them as such. As Debbie Ford succinctly points out, “You spot it, you got it.”
A false self gets constructed. Tricked into believing we’re incapable and undeserving, we yearn for the perfect role and persona. Ironically, this unproductive quest will leave us unfulfilled – even if we attain it – for the clear reason that we’re so much more than the narrow handful of qualities neatly befitting our ego ideal.
Over time, our greatness and authenticity get hidden behind an impenetrable fortress – causing us to lose access to our fundamental core. Tragically, when we locked up what we perceived as rejected traits, we unknowingly sealed away our most valuable gifts.
“Those we project on hold pieces of our unclaimed darkness as well as unclaimed pieces of our light.”
The Shadow Effect, page 117
Had you ever considered that the moments we meet our disowned self are amongst the most raw and fertile periods of our earthly sojourn? Paradoxical! For sure, owning our projections is both a courageous and humbling experience.
Yet, it’s so important to do just that. Unresolved, self-sabotage will haunt us over and over – typically erupting with incredible power at precisely the verge of personal or professional breakthrough. On the other hand, once we summon the strength to dive straight into the center of our shadow world, the split between light and darkness will be re-integrated.
Where to start in this reclaiming process, though? One effective source is to explore repetitive behavior patterns we’ve struggled with for years. Often we trick ourselves into believing that our less than acceptable behavior is the problem, rather than searching for its root cause.
To aid our interpretation, Chopra indicates through a comprehensive listing of attitudes a set of accompanying unconscious shadow feelings that cannot be faced. For instance, superiority disguises the fear you’re a failure or that others would reject you if you they knew who you really were. Arrogance masks bottled-up anger, beneath which resides deep-seated pain. Fascinating…
More specifically, Ford shares the story of visiting a group of friends where one member possessed a grating manner of speaking that seemed grandiose. It turns out this woman had been held captive by her father throughout much of her childhood in the basement of their home. Due to her suffering, this lady didn’t know how to express herself; she was merely doing her best to piece together a “normal” personality. What aroused harshness in one moment transmuted into compassion.
Do you want to know another amazing outcome when we wake up from the trance of projection? The people around us change. They become free to show up differently. Isn’t that neat?
Give Up Self-Judgment
“The only way we can escape the shadow is to outgrow it, to drop it like the set of old and outworn clothing that it is and instead become the spiritual giants we are intended to be.”
The Shadow Effect, page 177
Here’s something else to think about: You get the emotions you think you deserve. Your sense of self (and self-worth) is tied up in every feeling you have. If you can look upon yourself with empathy, you not only take the judgment out of your emotions but also give yourself permission to be who you are.
Indeed, if you simply evolved without dissolving your former self, you would become a perpetual infant, child, adolescent and adult at the same time – just as your body would have countless layers of skin if old, dead cells weren’t sloughed off.
Start by reaching for some of the following intentions in your quest to re-build your emotions: Be at peace. Do not be shaken from your center. Have self-knowledge. Recognize the best possible time is the present.
Wholeness is the route to absorbing the shadow and thus arriving at healing. In the end, all we are asked is to actively seek and receive the buried treasure of this force.
No doubt, this is a thought-provoking volume. As Williamson attests, the process of rediscovering and living from our essence is the work of a “heart warrior”.
All things considered, I find it’s worth the effort. Of course, I confess to being a long-time unabashed fan of this leading-edge trio.
What especially jazzed me through The Shadow Effect is solidifying the potential each of us brings to transforming the planet. I realized that every individual impulse of anger, fear, resentment, and aggression leads directly from me to the collective unconscious and back again. My every feeling multiplies out exponentially to society at large. Wow!
Imagine the possibilities if our children were taught to become aware of their shadow – enabled to share dark feelings and release these impulses through healthy outlets. Talk about less damage to our human ecosystem generation upon generation.
What a freeing gift it is to choose whoever and whatever we want to be at any moment!
Sign me up for no longer being blinded to my light! You too?