“For good or bad, habits are the invisible architecture of daily life. Research suggests that about 40% of our behavior is repeated almost daily, and mostly in the same context.”
- Better than Before, page 7
"We can build our habits only on the foundation of our own nature."- Better than Before, page 257
What works for one person, may not work for the next. We all know this to be true, but Gretchen Rubin makes it strikingly obvious that habit formation must be highly individualized in order to ensure long-term sustainability. She notes that our individual approaches can be linked to the type of accountability we require and the sliding scale of value placed on expectations of self and others. Rubin has dubbed these The Four Tendencies:
Upholders: “They want to know what’s expected of them, and meet those expectations” (18). These folks have little trouble forming habits as they are highly accountable to their own wants and needs, as well as those around them. They are dependable and actionable, and struggle most when expectations are unclear.
Questioners: “Questioners question all expectations and they respond to an expectation only if they conclude that it makes sense. They’re motivated by reason, logic and fairness” (19). When it comes to habit formation, Questioners are very keyed into the cause and effect of the desired outcome. Does it align with their personal values and the ultimate goal? If so, sign them up. If not, they want no part of a foggy promise.
Obligers: “They’re motivated by external accountability; they wake up and think ‘what must I do today?’ Because Obligers excel at meeting external demands and deadlines, and go to great lengths to meet their responsibilities” (21). Obligers excel in habit formation that is directly tied to the expectations of others, whether it is the physical presence of meeting a running buddy, or the theoretical ‘eyes’ enacted upon announcing a goal and owing a outcome, the debt of completion weighs heavy on these folks and can serve as strong motivation.
Rebels: “They choose to act from a sense of choice, of freedom. Rebels wake up and think, ‘What do I want to do today?’” (23). The very idea of a habit is simply too restrictive and rigid for a Rebel, they often lack any desire for predictability or forecasted behaviors. Rubin does explain that Rebels can adapt to habit-like behavior if we remove the daily requirement and add the choice of participation, day after day. From ‘I have to do this everyday’, to ‘I can choose to do this today.’
By knowing your tendency, you can best approach your goals and resolutions in a way that plays to your strengths and protects against your inherent challenges.
"I [We] should tailor my habits to the fundamentals aspects of my [our] nature that aren’t going to change."- Better than Before, page 32
Now that you know your tendency, Rubin explores strategies of habit formation and maintenance that can be applied in three distinct ways: getting started, building and maintaining.
Getting Started: Rubin identifies three unique strategies that could support the initial process of habit formation:
Building: These Pillars of Habits are invaluable foundational strategies to be applied based on your natural tendencies and unique circumstances:
Maintaining: As momentum builds, forecasting potential pitfalls and roadblocks can be the difference between success and failure. Rubin has identified eight strategies for managing ongoing desire, ease and excuses:
"Two kinds of clarity support habit formation: clarity of values and clarity of action. The clearer I am about what I value, and what action I expect from myself- not what other people value, or expect from me- the more likely I am to stick to my habits."- Better than Before, page 223
It is strikingly obvious that the key here is being true to yourself, your tendencies and your own, very personal desires. When it comes to setting goals, shaping habits, and maintaining momentum the more aligned it is with your most honest self-actualization, the easier it will be to adhere to. On the flip side, if you are looking to kick a habit that is closely aligned with your identity, the roadblocks and barriers will be plentiful. Know yourself, and proceed accordingly, when we do so we “make it easy to do right, and hard to go wrong” (152).
Better than Before is an invaluable tool in deepening your understanding of the relationship between your natural tendencies and desired habits. Gretchen Rubin is thorough in her exploration of habit-forming strategies and has conveniently labeled and paired them in a way that makes them highly applicable. Where it is dense in content, reprieve can be sought in the various case studies and engaging storytelling. Being mindful of the process of habit formation can be just what you need to capture success in your next set of goals.
Gretchen Rubin’s is the author of the #1 New York Times and international bestseller “The Happiness Project”—an account of the year she spent test-driving the wisdom of the ages, the current scientific studies, and the lessons from popular culture about how to be happier. On her popular blog, The Happiness Project, she reports on her daily adventures in the pursuit of happiness.
