The Thriver’s Edge

Summary Written by Dianne Coppola
"What helps people move from surviving to thriving? How can I learn to thrive and not hold myself back from being all that I’m capable of becoming?"

- The Thriver’s Edge, page 2

The Big Idea

Which Wolf are You Feeding?

"The choice to thrive or to settle is a decision we make every day."- The Thriver’s Edge, page 34

This quote reminded me of the aboriginal story known as The Two Wolves. One evening, an elder tribesmen told his young grandson about two wolves who reside within people’s hearts. One wolf is evil. It manifests itself through anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other wolf is good. It exudes joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. Every day the two wolves battle one another in a bid to dominate our hearts and minds. The grandson is fascinated by this and after a moment asks his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?” to which the older man replies, “The one that you feed.”

This is a simple and powerful lesson that often gets buried beneath the avalanche of tasks and demands that assail us daily. Thriving is a choice. Being kind, compassionate and loving is a choice. These behaviours are actually decisions that we make, decisions we exert control over. The ability to thrive, then, already lies within each of us; we need only to choose to thrive and then align our daily actions to make it so.

What choices are you making today? Which wolf are you feeding – the survivor or the thriver?

Insight #1

Focus on the Horizon Not the Shoreline

"We must be willing to do the work required to draft the next chapter we are being called to create in our lives, while not allowing past conditions to dictate our beliefs about the future."- The Thriver’s Edge, page 132

Stoneham believes people who thrive operate from a place of trust: they live in the present and have faith that things will eventually work out; they remain open to the possibilities and opportunities that arise in the moment. Survivors operate from a place of fear: they cling to the past and focus predominantly on the obstacles and limitations before them; they desperately want to control every aspect of their future. Like the story of the two wolves, it all boils down to choice. If you tend to see obstacles instead of opportunities, you will need to work at changing your perspective first and then work to ensure your actions help you capitalize on the opportunities and overcome the challenges so that you move towards the horizon and away from the shoreline.

To help you do that, Stoneham developed her THRIVER framework – seven key practices that nurture a thriving mindset:

Trust – have faith you are never traveling alone.
Humility – navigate with confident humility.
Resilience – choose the right bus.
Inner Direction – follow your compass, it won’t fail you.
Vision – walk into your vision, one step at a time.
Expansiveness – broaden your horizons.
Responsibility – be accountable for your choices.

Whether you consider yourself a thriver or a survivor, chances are you can improve how you execute at least one and perhaps all seven of these practices. Which one will you pay attention to and develop in the coming month? Which one do you find the most difficult to implement and how can you be more deliberate in practicing it?

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Insight #2

Anchors Aweigh!

"Moving into our greatness requires letting go of the need to try and control. It asks us to courageously cultivate the trust that when one door closes another will open."- The Thriver’s Edge, page 14

Trust. Faith. Optimism. Belief. Hope. Conviction. Confidence. No matter which word you use, they all involve ‘letting go’ or ‘relinquishing’ control over an outcome. When sailors weigh anchor, they free the ship to leave the shore behind and trust that they will eventually see land again. It doesn’t mean they do nothing and drift aimlessly with the tide or that they expect picture perfect weather and smooth sailing. On the contrary, they deploy all the skills and technology at their disposal to guide the ship to its destination through whatever conditions they encounter. People who thrive in life, do the same.

Stoneham observes that living into our greatness isn’t an event…it’s not a straight line; it’s a spiral (I love that imagery!). There are times when we feel we are going in circles and accomplishing nothing. Each of us has encountered set-backs in our careers and in our lives which make us question what we are doing and if we should stay the course or alter our direction. It can be hard to let go of our doubt and trust – in the process, in ourselves, in others. And yet, unless we do so, we are like ships moored in the harbor – full of potential but going nowhere.

Take a moment to reflect on where in your life you are ‘settling’ instead of thriving. What beliefs, behaviours, relationships or situations do you need to let go of to enable yourself to weigh anchor and sail towards new horizons?

The insights Stoneham shares in The Thriver’s Edge have the power to nudge us out of complacency for the status quo so we can embrace a more meaningful and fulfilling way of living. Her messages reminded me that thriving is not an elusive final destination, it’s a journey. A mindset forged daily through deliberate choices and actions.

Read the book

Get The Thriver’s Edge on Amazon.

Donna Stoneham

Donna Stoneham, PhD, is a Northern California transplant with deep Texas roots. For the past twenty-five years, she’s worked as an executive coach, transformational leadership consultant, and educator, helping hundreds of Fortune 1000 and not-for-profit leaders, teams, and organizations unleash their power to thrive™ through her company, Positive Impact, LLC. Donna has written for the International Journal of Coaches in Organizations and Presence, is a certified Integral Coach®, and is a popular speaker and media guest. When she’s not coaching, she enjoys swimming, traveling, writing and spending time at home with her spouse and rescue dogs in Pt. Richmond, CA.

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